Boat Yoga

Tanya has often accused me of leading a sedentary lifestyle, and I can’t disagree.  I spend much of my time sitting, and I despise intentional exercise.  Yet eat and drink as I may, I remain as thin and fit as a teenager.  It’s a mystery.

For her part, Tanya has been practicing yoga.  I was watching her recently and thinking that it didn’t look so hard.  Naturally, I kept my comments to myself, but later it occurred to me: I am a yoga master — boat yoga.

Boat yoga poses are different.  They're called things like “aft macerator”, “port oil filter”, and the dreaded “prop shaft coupling”.  And they have to be done while holding heavy tools, using nasty chemicals, and working around hot engines, razor sharp hose clamps, and live electricity.  Instead of pronouncing Om and seeking inner peace, a boat yogi cleanses his spirit by muttering obscenities and being generally unpleasant.  Tanya and the kids prefer to leave the boat whenever I’m practicing a new or complicated position.  

Here’s an example of boat yoga.  I call it “shower sump repair”.  I don’t know if it has a real yoga name.  You start in a kneeling position, and then lean as far as you can forward without support from your hands.  Pretend you’re cleaning, scraping, applying epoxy, drilling holes, crimping wires, tightening hose clamps, etc.  To do it correctly, you must transition in and out of this position several times, each time to go get a heavier tool which must then be held at arm’s length in front of you.  You may also get beers as necessary to maintain focus.

Do that one long enough and for the next couple days you’ll be sedentary, too.